EcuadorSabbatical

We signed the lease for the new tenants. Yesterday, I spoke with LeAnn, the wife of the couple, and I felt somewhat reassured, but reviewing the lease with the real estate agent today did not feel comfortable. Why should I trust her or the tenants? Eric is so eager to get things moving forward, he appears to have no hesitation and is clearly relieved that we have a suitable renter. This is all new to me, and I ought to feel energized by moving forward on renting the house. In truth, all has gone quite well. The house has been 'for rent' for a few weeks, a renter has come through, and they appear reasonable. Everything is on track; why do I not feel better? After two weeks of frustration with my angry teenager, she has taken the bus to New York for a few days before her flight to Nice for two months in Europe. And I miss her and regret all the wasted moments while we avoided each other. I have to remind myself that I did the same at her age, that I could not wait to get away f...

I found myself in the Emergency Room today. I am not sure it was entirely indicated but then again I would not spend three hours in the ER if I knew it to be unnecessary, or would I? I have diagnosed myself (not really appropriate; doctors cannot heal themselves) these past weeks with incredible stress- related anxiety, and have until today decided that my heavy chest pain was directly associated with the many difficulties I have been faced with. Perhaps I went to the ER today to avoid arguing with my daughter, or not to face the house or my departure or leaving my practice, or whatever I may not want to deal with. Hazard of the profession; I find myself questioning what may appear to be perfectly reasonable decisions. Once I announced to my family that I was going to the ER, I delayed my departure. I played violin with Maya, I waited for Eric to come home and cook dinner (bloody steaks which both Tara and I did not eat). Once I really had no more excuses about leaving, I got into m...

What a day! Not the worst day possible, but one of those days that are super uncomfortable. My job is to treat psychiatric illness and prevent suicide. When a patient tells me they plan to kill themselves, I am obliged to make an assessment of whether they are dangerous or not and whether hospitalization is necessary. Ordinarily I put a lot of energy into urging the patient to go to hospital voluntarily, and most often they do. Sometimes it is challenging to know if hospitalization is the best course of action. I never know for sure, and I am often worried. It is unusual for me to write up an 'emergency petition' or call the police. The police do a good job, but it is not always 'warm and fuzzy' or particularly sensitive. I guess calling the police implies a measure of violence. This all happened when Eric was driving Maya to my office. The plan was to pick up Maya's new eyeglasses at the mall, but when Eric and Maya drove up with Rita's ice-cream, the police w...

It appears that our renters are perfectly reasonable. They are originally from Connecticut and have lived in North Carolina for twelve years. The family has three children but two will be at college and the youngest will attend Friend's School. The husband works in the Baltimore / DC area and they like Baltimore and want to rent for a year. The contract is for July 1, but the renters are fine with starting July 15 and accommodating us. I wanted to meet them but they are not around for another two weeks. I have to be sure that they will be respectful and take care of the house. Of course talking on the telephone will not reassure me entirely. Both Eric and I are so eager to move forward with the house and with the move, that it is very compelling to accept this contract. I am advised however to make the effort and make sure that the renters are responsible and reliable. I am not sure how to do that without meeting them. Actually I am not sure how to do any of this. How can I possibl...

I have been struggling with my teenage daughter. Whenever I get excessively angry, I have to remind myself that she is figuring out how to be independent and be her own person, and part of that is avoiding her family and her home and her life here. I remind myself to just let go and let her be, and then I get pulled in because she is not truly independent or prepared enough to be on her own. I am reminded that every generation bemoans the next. We remember being so capable as young people. Were we really so responsible? What if I have not prepared her well enough for the world?  She is off to Italy and France for the summer and has found herself a job in San Remo and Nice. What a resourceful person she is! She has decided not to go to NYU next year and volunteer in Ecuador while we are there. On the surface that sounds like a wonderful idea, but I have all sorts of worries about her and her choices and her safety. But then I remind myself that I have no control over her life. I hav...

So much has been happening in our house and with our plans to move that I have not been paying attention to Baltimore. Spring has come and gone and summer is here. It was a gorgeous sunny day. In my normal life I would never stay inside on a beautiful Saturday, but our lives are so not normal now; we are entirely geared toward moving to Ecuador and that takes precedence every moment. I was back in the office today, saying goodbye again and attacking my mountains of paperwork. Maya was at a skating party with many of her friends from school and from dance class. I was delighted that she tried to skate again. Two Christmases ago she had tried skating at an ice rink in Edmonton, and had fallen on her face. She came off the ice screaming with blood pouring out of her nose. She refused to skate after that, and insisted that she would not get on the ice today. But she did skate and she did enjoy it, and it was a good way to say goodbye to her friends. Moving to Ecuador is who we are now. It ...

Whew! I have worked ten hours daily for four days. That is too much for the type of work that I do, so I feel exhausted!  Not that every moment has been agonizing. There have been several instances that my patients have been working to support me when I whine about how difficult the move is! Perhaps I am loosening up at the office, focusing on saying goodbye rather than doing what I ought to be doing, but perhaps saying goodbye is what I need to be doing, and it is saying goodbye that is most distressing. In fact, I have not been consistent at all. I start off the session trying to wrap things up and end up adding another session in another month. I am avoiding saying goodbye. I came home to children wanting food. I felt like a mother bird returning to her nest with her little birds. I cooked and got everything onto the table and then my oldest daughter picked over her food and ate almost nothing. I have to adjust to my college age daughter being home. She is fiercely independent a...